A Letter of Deep Feelings"
FOR Alimohkon (writing.com)
This is an entirely different genre from the two write-ups on writing that you earlier wrote with this bunch. There is nothing that binds them with your title "Lollypops and Kisses." First, Lollypops can only refer to this letter as it is about family. It can only apply to writing in the sense of growing up as a budding one - but you sound like one knowing the ropes.
This piece talks mainly about property. I suggest you find other ways of making it stand alone. Re-write it not entirely as a letter. Your reader will then expand to not just your "Sister" whom you are addressing. Then it can become more useful.
An interesting way is to color it with the theme of social responsibility. Start your write-up talking about this thing, for example, about property dividing families. Your letter can then be integrated in the middle or at the end - after you have sufficiently discussed your theme.
Lazy Writing (Edited lazily)
FOR Alimohkon (writing.com)
This piece is a combination of advice to budding writers and some philosophical musings. Nice writing! However, for the purpose of publication, editors would prefer writing that has focus. To make them see meaningful ends, I suggest that you make the best of both worlds: separate your advice and philosophy and develop each of them. They both can stand on their own merits, given some more flesh and direction.
Lollypops & Kisses (My Essays)"
Shades of male chauvinism! You may read amusing to your kind (har-de-har-har for you) but to the opposite gender, you will sound negative. I suggest you re-direct your funny bone to the taste of your target readership. Principle of homophily, you know. Didn't you want the Eve side of the family to read this? Or did you want to keep them out? Then, retain your Viagra laugh.
You can be funny and eat your cake, too. This is your door. Make it a little pleasant. And I thought you were serving coffee?
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