Listening to radio a matter of life, death

JERUSALEM -- A radio station that broadcasts silence has become popular in Israel since the war with Hezbollah began a month ago.

Original link for the story

War and its cruelty has always been with Israel ever since. Rooting from the biblical times, every child born an Israelite will have to be a war baby. He then has to live through life - running away as if forever. Somehow, Israel had its fill of “favored nation” history, which may explain why it has to deal with wars until now – small but protracted – as though needing to learn a lesson. But isn't this the lot of those being loved and cherished?

Blogs in Research Too

Article Feedback
For Article: Bloggers as Sources: What's Your Take?
Posted by Jane Abao 8/8/2006 9:26:08 PM

I don’t come mainly from a news organization but I do write news. In writing for news, I have not thought of using blogs as... I don’t come mainly from a news organization but I do write news. In writing for news, I have not thought of using blogs as my source. However, I had tried using it for research.

There was a time I had to look into [Product A] and its so-called prime, and its relationship to [Product B], another competitor. This calls for user input, I thought. I did not have the luxury to do surveys as my primary obligation was to write - from literature.

I was blessed to find blogs of one who seemingly acted as press relations man but not quite. He was writing about the sponsored surveys of [Product A] and giving out statistics, and developments regarding the product. I had included his write-ups in my review since they were not opinion pieces. Moreover, his blogs had allowed a comments portion where users were able to argue their cases.

In his blogs, I was able to collect a good portion of comments from direct users of both products from the United States and United Kingdom - debating well on the issues. From there, my research was enlightened about one category and that was location of users. At the same time that some of these commenters accused the blogger of public relations, they wrote very useful information.

In a set-up where the piece is followed by comments from the public, I guess blogs can be useful even in news. What is important, I think, is not in their identity because bloggers use only user names, but what information they were sharing. In the case I am discussing, the main writer whose writings were being commented on, had his full name in the very first piece he wrote for the company. I had to trace it from there and that’s where I discovered he was being introduced as an intern from the University of Virginia. This information was very important to me, as I was able to identify him in his subsequent blogs.

To me, my research was enhanced by my inclusion of those information from the blogs.

The Ism or the Journalists?

Article Feedback
For Article: Citizen + Pro Journalists + Money = NewAssignment.net
Posted by Jane Abao 8/7/2006 7:44:26 PM

The Newsletter of August 7, 2006 on the line-up for seminars at the right portion says CitJ + Pro Journalism? By Amy Gahran. However, on... The Newsletter of August 7, 2006 on the line-up for seminars at the right portion says CitJ + Pro Journalism? By Amy Gahran. However, on clicking for contents, I found Amy talking about Jay Rosen’s Citizen + Pro Journalists + Money = NewAssignment.net.

I say, there is a world of difference between talking about the ism and talking about the mix of journalists. Citizen Journalism already claims it is a mix of citizen journalists and professional journalists. I had expected a discussion on the ism as promised by the tickler first mentioned.

On the ism, how does one do this despite the fact that the two work on different paths? For example, while one would go for inverted pyramid, the other one comes in whatever form. While one comes, following time-honored approaches, the other one follows an uncharted path. While one comes edited, the other one comes pristine, unedited, fresh from the citizen, etcetera.

How does one ride astride these two horses? Is it possible?

Being an Intellectual

FOR cobert (criticalthinking.org)

You Otta Be an Intellectual!

My interest in ‘disinterested knowledge’ has led me to many of your discussions on the topic in the following sites aside from the Criticalthinking Forums: 1) James Randi Educational Forum, 2) Hypography Science Forums, 3) PhysOrgForums, and 4) ShadowsIntheCave.com. I don’t know where else you log in.

I find you are yourself a book to read. I will take time to read them all – in my already tight time. It is better than the senseless communication people today spend time in. At least I know I wouldn’t be wasting precious time.

In some of these sites, you leave some personal touch and it is easier to understand you because you leave some history of your thinking on some constructs.

Thank God for the kind of people like you.

Masturbate-a-thon?

Original link for the story

What kind of Reutersspeak is this? Because public masturbation is encouraged to raise amounts, are we now going towards public sex? And for how much per time, per exposure? Are we now that destitute for money? Heaven forbid that we all be punished for these. May only the masterminds have their due.

Gestation in 20 Seconds

FOR Matt Pressnall

9 months of gestation in 20 seconds

So where is motherhood in the whole scheme of things? This video may be funny but has no sensitivity for womanhood. It maybe all right for entertainment in the homes of those concerned but not for public consumption.

How far are they going to tear eve for laughs? As it is, being woman is already being minority. If you make merchandise of this video, it is already perversion on your part. But the more hell for those who have conceptualized this.

What makes us human?

FOR Dr. Armand Leroi
Imperial College London

Re: The unfortunate 'rat people' of Pakistan could provide the answer.

What makes us human? Not this gene or that gene. Not being free from being a chua or a rat. What makes us human? It is the capacity to love this kind of people, to accept them as they were made. Or should we make specimens of them as freaks from malfunctioning human parts? How do we know our premise is right?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/core/Content/
displayPrintable.jhtml?xml=/connected/
2006/08/01/echuman01.xml&site=17&page=0

Missing the water for the cola

FOR Sylvia Rozario
(merinews, Power to People)
Missing the water for the cola
05 August 2006, Saturday

We blame the cola companies, of course, because it is their lookout to make sure that the water they use is clean and uncontaminated. You do not point a finger on somebody assuming he is faultless so that you can be faultless. The government is quite far from the chemical pots of the cola companies. Even if they place proper norms against adulteration, the so-called chemists may not obey them. It does not need an implementor of rules to act before one does his job properly. It is not really a case of stimulus-response, you know. The cola companies are not inert bodies peopled with unthinking individuals. They have minds of their own – even without government cranking norms for them. Therefore, the cola companies take the blame – not the government, not the media.

Why do Bloggers Blog?

FOR Dr. William R. Adan

You wrote: I don't quite understand why some people are in [blogging].

"Blog" is derived from the words web and log. Blogs are the media these days. Blogs may be projected in Google through metadata and they can be scanned when one conducts a search. From there, they can be picked up for use.

Blogs afford the writer some voice and some power. Access to traditional media is limited as we can see.

You wrote: So you don't have to be sad about how events in writing turn out.

Most bloggers blog to be able to respond to events. Without a ready venue for writing, blogs offer a perfect answer to this need.

I have my own blogs, but I stay connected with Poynter Institute and OhMyNews International, and some writers' sites besides. The first is a journalism institute and the other one works along citizen journalism. So I ride astride two horses with differing thoughts. I am curious with citizen journalism and am sympathetic to their cause, but this early I know I lack the nerve to be reading the stories. It needs patience since most citizen journalism outputs do not come in the package and approaches we were taught in school.

I have the hunch that these people are at the forefront today. It also seems they get the more respect. You know how traditional media is detested now because of its failings. And with it, traditional journalists are not looked upon with the same regard they had before.

You wrote: Writing is a grand exercise. Crafting words, lines and phrases excites and disciplines the mind and by itself is rewarding.

I say, you've answered your own question.

Bloggers with a Fight

FOR Marsha Walton, CNN

For Article: Cell phones: A new tool in the war-zone blogosphere
Posted by Jane Abao 8/2/2006 10:35:52 PM

We cannot pigeon-hole bloggers into one. There are some blogs that are as knowlegeable and disciplined as the bloggers could put it - because th...We cannot pigeon-hole bloggers into one. There are some blogs that are as knowlegeable and disciplined as the bloggers could put it - because they have been formally trained in journalism and communication. It is only that they do not have the same exposure as others. This explains why we think this kind does not exist.

Some blogs go beyond what people think as just ranting. They even have a fight focused. I, for one, am fighting against the way people freely use communication as an art - as stray bullets leaving people with plenty of scars. There are many decadent ways communication could go. I zero in on that.

Mountains Are Never Conquered

. . . But try bitterness

3 Principles to Overcoming Schizophrenia

FOR BrambleCat (writing.com)

Comment: Principle 1 is stated well. It is acknowledging the presence of everyone in space with equal rights on equal footing. This principle is properly one that should apply to everyone.

Principle 2 - You will still exist at the end of the day.

Comment: How can you be so sure? We do not own our tomorrows – let alone today. We are but a vapor that in a moment can just be gone. At best, this is only trying to baby-pat the patient, trying to assure her of something that is not sure to be there.

What would be more assuring is to find out how one is “encapsulated by one’s body.” This means finding out that one is more than flesh and bones and what this all means in the whole scheme of things. Then one can truly know one’s place in the sun instead of just self-assurance that indeed one exists.

Principle 2 -You will still exist at the end of the day - you are encapsulated by your body. Focus on this to retain your sense of self. No matter what happens, it won't kill you (by destroying your sense of 'self') - you'll always be you.

Comment: One’s sense of true self can only come from truth – not what one thinks she is. This then needs referring to judgement from one of higher existence who is fit to judge the person and has to do with her existence. And who could this be but her engineer – her maker who knows her through and through?

One of the best things afforded human beings is the capacity to change for good. So, to seek shelter from this freedom is comforting enough that a person cannot always be herself. A person is not naturally good and not infinitely bad that she needs to change now and then.

Psychologist Ronald Bassman, once diagnosed and treated for schizophrenia, said, “When you become a mental patient, you are no longer regarded as a whole person.” Your suggestions may have come from this common perception and you deserve empathy for your pointers. The best doctor we have, however, and the one that can assure us acceptance and love without conditions is no one but our maker. Let us seek His solace because what man offers is lacking. Having done that, we can be strong enough to face the world.

No matter what happens it won't kill you.

Comment: What is the “it?” Schizophrenia? Let me re-direct this: No matter what happens, we have this much acceptance and love from our maker, the one who judges everyone and whose judgement is righteous and just – no matter who we are. This much we can expect.

Principle 3: YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL SAY IN ADVANCE. When you pose an idea or ask a question, do not allow yourself to visualize what they will say – do….

Comment: Yes, don’t anticipate. Do not denigrate yourself. Not everyone in this world is cruel. Some people understand. Some people have loving minds and thinking hearts. It is possible, and not everything is lost.

General comment: This is a piece that tries to reach out to schizophrenics. I commend your efforts in making your writing useful. Not every writer would do that. It could readily be seen that you are privy to the lives of those suffering from schizophrenia, and know their needs.

I suggest that you dig deeper into your memories to arrange and reinforce your principles. I can also see that you can develop this into an essay rather than enumerating principles. Start by defining what Schizophrenia is, medically. Then you can progress by describing what Schizophrenia is to people in general and what Schizophrenia means to the patient. Point out the differences without directly comparing. Then recap with a definition and description of a recommended outlook on Schizophrenics (Who but the maker has the proper outlook?). Finally, you can add your modified principles.

Big Words are Useless

FOR Critical Thinkers (criticalthinkers.org)

What did either of them want to say?

1) It’s the question of how intelligence may inform action, and how action may bear the fruit of increased insight into meaning: a clear view of the values that are worthwhile and of the means by which they are to be made secure in experienced objects. Construction of ideals in general and their sentimental glorification are easy; the responsivilities both of studious thought and of action are shirked.

2)What?! Glib gibberish exuding pseudo-truths in witty yet empty metaphors, connected by abstruse references to common things, convoluted happily into a stream of pretty words bearing no relevance to previous posts. Then end the stream of twisted thought with a drive-by trite sentiment and shirk any real confrontation or exposition. Bon voyage! Look out! Don't forget to cover your mouth when you yawn!

Is critical thinking getting to be that snobbish?

Life is not So Well Arranged

We Stop Where We See a Gate.

A Letter of Deep Feelings

Feelings inside bursting like lava of a volcano
A Letter of Deep Feelings"
FOR Alimohkon (writing.com)

This is an entirely different genre from the two write-ups on writing that you earlier wrote with this bunch. There is nothing that binds them with your title "Lollypops and Kisses." First, Lollypops can only refer to this letter as it is about family. It can only apply to writing in the sense of growing up as a budding one - but you sound like one knowing the ropes.

This piece talks mainly about property. I suggest you find other ways of making it stand alone. Re-write it not entirely as a letter. Your reader will then expand to not just your "Sister" whom you are addressing. Then it can become more useful.

An interesting way is to color it with the theme of social responsibility. Start your write-up talking about this thing, for example, about property dividing families. Your letter can then be integrated in the middle or at the end - after you have sufficiently discussed your theme.

Lazy Writing (Edited lazily)
FOR Alimohkon (writing.com)

This piece is a combination of advice to budding writers and some philosophical musings. Nice writing! However, for the purpose of publication, editors would prefer writing that has focus. To make them see meaningful ends, I suggest that you make the best of both worlds: separate your advice and philosophy and develop each of them. They both can stand on their own merits, given some more flesh and direction.

Lollypops & Kisses (My Essays)"
FOR Alimohkon

Shades of male chauvinism! You may read amusing to your kind (har-de-har-har for you) but to the opposite gender, you will sound negative. I suggest you re-direct your funny bone to the taste of your target readership. Principle of homophily, you know. Didn't you want the Eve side of the family to read this? Or did you want to keep them out? Then, retain your Viagra laugh.

You can be funny and eat your cake, too. This is your door. Make it a little pleasant. And I thought you were serving coffee?

Better the Men than Women Bloggers

Article Feedback

Better the Men
For Article: New Pew Blogger Study
Posted by Jane Abao 7/24/2006 9:54:13 PM

I was wondering why among the topics categorized there was nothing for communications or media. Perhaps if there were a category for “others...I was wondering why among the topics categorized there was nothing for communications or media. Perhaps if there were a category for “others,” this topic would belong there.

Don’t people talk much against the stupid boob tube? The news that are not news because they are manufactured – whether in print or in cyberspace? Or do people just talk but never write about them? Blogging is just like talking. I wonder where the complaints about wayward media go.

I would appreciate the men better. At least they write deeply about this topic – not just in blogs but also in scholarly publications.

Touch of the Savage, Would You dare?

The Weathergod

Thoughts of the Weathergod
the weathergod
FOR Macbeth (writing.com)

Review follows -
I am the weathergod. Which is to say ‘the order in the chaos’ and I am frankly feeling quite energized these days. I can really feel the sun on my face, it is so “what can I say?” energizing. I am wondering what am I to do with all this energy now coursing so wildly through my veins that it almost makes me giddy? Yes I have a human form. Short, fat, bald, and ugly, with a mean disposition and a bad attitude.

Comment: Delete “Which is to say” because you distract the flow of thought. Go straight to your point; you have started right.

Comment: You are already saying things; you are already wondering; you don’t have to state that you are doing these things. Don’t answer your own questions unless it is for emphasis.

Comment: Consider this version:

I am the weathergod - ‘the order in the chaos.’ I am so full of energy. I can feel the sun on my face. I am all energy. I am giddy.

Yes, I have a human form. Short, fat, bald, and ugly, with a mean disposition and a bad attitude.

Comment: Instead of “telling” your reader, show your reader the kind of character the persona has by his actions or words.

There are a number of you who call my name, sometimes in a whisper out of fear that I might hear the words and come looking for the source. Sometimes it is in the form of a curse that I have not listened and in paradox not listening still.

Comment: Write “mention,” not “call,” since your thought in this paragraph runs negative. “Calling one’s name” is positive.

Comment: Listened to …

Comment: Delete “and in paradox.” They disrupt the flow of thought.

I cannot just grant you the weather that you want though I have been known to do things on a whim or even less. But and it’s a big but You must be somewhat specific in your request for weather for you must realize that in dealing with the law of unexpected consequence there is no knowing. Either how big the storm is growing or even where it’s going. Much like the idea that for every action there is an action in reciprocal even good deeds do not go unpunished.

Comment: What kind of god are you introducing? Whimsical?

Comment: If it is “but and only but,” the character must be specific in his instruction or order and not say “somewhat.”

Comment: Let your “god” project a powerful voice and speak like one powerful.

Much like the idea that for every action there is an action in reciprocal even good deeds do not go unpunished.

Comment: What did you want to say? Is it this? - “For every action, there is a reward. No matter how you try to make amends with good deeds, bad deeds do not go unpunished.”

Remember, for the sake of argument, that I am not predicting the weather, I am not the weather channel. The expression of explanation that comes to mind is “let it be so, let it be done.”

Comment: A god-character will not say, “for the sake of argument.” Make your god realistic.

Comment: Notice how the statements gather strength as they simplify -

I do not predict the weather; I am not the weather channel. What comes to mind, I will do. Let it be so, let it be done.

Each of the following details has a full spectrum of possibility but remember for the sake of clarity I am more into the doing than undoing but there are things once done that will have no undoing once a path is followed. As words of warning there is an old adage that relents ‘be careful what you wish for’, which is to say in another way ‘the devil is in the details’.

Comment: Again a god does not have to explain himself all the time. “For the sake of clarity” is more like someone arguing with a co-equal.

Comment: “I am more into the doing than undoing” is again condescending. A god-character would talk directly. Notice the change –

Anything is possible [Let’s allow this statement to incorporate your original thought]. However, what I do, I do. And no one can stop it.

Comment: A god-character does not refer to adages, else how can your character project power?

As words of warning there is an old adage that relents ‘be careful what you wish for’, which is to say in another way ‘the devil is in the details’.

Comment: Go directly, so – Be careful of what you wish for; the devil is in the details.

Advance notice is required for all requests for weather regardless of their merit. If you are in the middle of a blizzard a change in intensity rather than cessation might be looked at more favourably. Otherwise, seven revolutions rather than degrees is usually the lower perceptional limit. The more notice the better the results and their distant echoes, for one is better able to maintain equilibrium and balance opposing forces.

Comment: Why advance notice? I thought your god is powerful.

Type, intensity, location, time, duration.

Does your type of weather require some form of precipitation? The type of precipitation is mostly related to the relative temperature but the sequencing can get complicated and I have been known to bend the rules. Though there are physical laws that one must still obey I can do snow in the Sahara, I just have to take it from somewhere else. It is in the taking that all things become at once possible and unpredictable.

What kind of intensity of weather do you require? A summer’s breeze from here to the horizon or a category 5 in full overwhelming rotation. They named the Horse Latitudes so because in the days of sailing ships when the wind did not blow at all for weeks on end the horses were the first to go, overboard I mean. Do you want it to rain cats and dogs or cars and trucks or should I just spit?

Comment: They named the Horse Latitudes as such….

For a geographic location, realistic parameters are required. It is difficult to alter things just because of political borders, though I have been known to do arbitrary boundaries. Best perhaps to decide a center point with a randomly varying radius and feather to the edges?

The duration of weather is important. Timing is a critical thing and can make all the difference between success and failure of intent. It takes awhile to get to category 5 but even they must end. You don’t want to plug the sink and leave the tap running so a start and finish is required. Though in Vancouver, Canada the rain never seems to end.

Comment: However in Vancouver….

for Ed Dobbins,050805,tilt,the Sahara,light rain, North Central, 1 degree, now.
for DOT, 050819,tilt,The Golden Triangle, torrential rain, 15 degrees, now.

Comment: Are the spacing here technical or intentional?

General comment: Your story may find some problems with the readers because of your “god figure.” It seems like your god is an innocuous god who is not exactly one above mortals. First, he is too condescending for mortals that he had to explain himself now and then.

Your story gets to be appreciated only as it advances – primarily because of the weak god figure. You started with a god that appears a bit unsure of himself in the beginning, keeps on collegial terms with his audience in the middle, and ends up amusing in the end. It is only by the end that he gets readily lovable/acceptable to the reader by his revealed knowledge of weather-making.

As a writer, you have a good grasp of weather technology. Being knowledgeable in some field is an advantage to writers in technical writing. As shown by you, however, this skill may also be employed for creative writing. Keep on honing your skills and you’ll be fine.

It is very rare that technical knowledge is used for creative items – let alone for amusement or entertainment – and the field is still clear. You are doubly blessed. You can take this opportunity to build a profile in it. According to research, children’s and family literature takes the biggest share in print publications today, but it appears true also in cyberspace. Your skill, therefore, would be very useful in this category.

Re: Art without Parameters

FROM Alimohkon (writing.com)

That's right, people claim rights, privileges, anything they can get (out of nothing), without defining responsibility.

A poet does not own his poetry. It becomes everybody's I think. And that should be a poet's reward - once his poem is spoken by others.

In Dean Baker's ebook "The Conservative Nanny State", the point is apparent. You can't claim you own that software for all eternity. It's not yours. The same with art. Bill Gates tries to portray to the world that he is now a charitable billionaire. But that's not true. Our NBIs are raiding internet cafes to serve Microsoft rights. Is that right?

We have a responsibility to write - good writing. And this good writing must be shared, with no strings attached.

FROM fprine (iTalkNews.com)

Art (in its many forms) should have its parameters defined by its audience (or community). For example, many non-artist types (or those not educated in art or art history like me) would have difficulty calling much of the modern art in the past 20 years as art. Their parameters would be classical and more stringent. However, those in the art community would have different parameters and thus conclude differently. Good article.

……………………….

FOR Alimohkon (writing.com)

Right! In fact, I have developed a blog on communications activism. That's what I call it. I have coined the word and that's what I call my fight.

They say I am a fascist for fighting against poems, but really, it is in these things called art that people try to hide while polluting the space with all unlimited liberty. There are beautiful ways art could be useful and not be decadent. Why do these negative things have to be foisted on us?

I don’t think I am alone with this thinking. I will have the parents who care for their children. I will have those who care about values – people who respect other people’s rights.

FOR fprine (iTalkNews.com)

Thanks, fprine,
Many think I am being facist in my beliefs about art, but the truth is that much of what art we have today are decadent.

Unspoken Truths

FOR jessi- forever grateful (writing.com)

Review follows -

You said: How do you know I would want you too?
Obviously, this is typographical error. "Too" should be "to."

Graphics
The tone of the author could be readily felt. The emotion is graphically painted. The situation is clearly presented. Promising work!

Truth
A poem, however, as an essay, a dissertation, or a book, is not free from respecting realities in life.

A situation that directly applies to this case is knowing some truth that one doesn’t – for example, the prognosis a doctor gives of one’s disease.

A reality in life is that people want to be told if they are dying or not – to know everything the doctor said. A reality in life is also that our people love us so much, they would like to see us happy and free from worries.

What each of these two groups have is information about someone slowly slipping away. The question now is, who is the owner of the information? By owner, then one can dispense with the data the way he sees it. This, however, needs qualifications.

To understand the context, who is most affected when not given the necessary data? The patient, because he may not be able to make use of the time left for him if he did not know. The parents or loved ones, because they are charged with taking care of the patient and his other concerns including hospital bills.

How much?
How much does not seem to matter, more than why one should know. The reason the doctor does not tell the patient directly is that not all patients know how to handle information about their health. If they knew, their health might grow worse from worrying.

Is it a right to know?
It is not a right more than what is for the best interests of the patient. What is paramount then is the attitude of knowing that one has this and that much to live, or that one has this disease, or that one has this truth to one’s life. If the patient can have the proper attitude of welcoming his mortality, then there is no problem. Proper attitude or not, however, should the patient find out the truth, one cannot tell how much bitterness would come out of the case.

As the poem laments, the author was not given the chance to appreciate those data. It is clear that he had found out later on what secrets were kept from him. It is up to him now to weigh this question: if he knew, what would he have done? For his betterment, or for his worse?

Cause to Wonder

FOR Thinker (writing.com)
Review follows -

You have a very interesting subject. You made a good start. Your opening paragraph ended, wanting to say, why do we do things without thinking? Good!

The second paragraph is supposed to make your objective clearer – what you want to point out. It ends, showing that you’re one person looking for meaning.

The third paragraph shows it is thinking that is your subject. You failed, however, to tie it up with your search for meaning. You left it hanging and without some support. Mentioning that people think you’re weird for thinking, you shift away a little from your topic. It is all right if you had strengthened your base – established and defined strongly your topic (Is it Why we do things without thinking? Or Search for meaning?)

The fourth paragraph talks about war in an attempt to pick up from what you were saying in Paragraph 1. It shows WHAT things we do without thinking (Again, it’s war). However, it has not moved up a bit to show WHY we do things without thinking.

The last paragraph hangs – and talks about an altogether different subject, which is “people management.”

Resolve:

Your second paragraph in reference to your girl friend’s “afterward explaining that communion meant nothing” was your chance to exploit senseless rituals happening in our midst. It could have enriched that paragraph or the succeeding paragraphs to elaborate on things we do without thinking.

Rituals, beliefs handed down by those before us, conventions, customs, so-called sacraments, folkways, customs, and even procedures may be questioned as to their raison d'etre, their explanation, justification, philosophy. Man is a thinking individual as you said and he must do things with reason. These “senseless” procedures could have been described to a stretch to show that indeed man does things without thinking.

Your example of war is easily understood as “War is bad because it causes untold misery and many people die.” Nobody questions this. The one needing an intelligent discussion was your girlfriend’s reaction to your asking questions of an event or ritual because things that we do without questions need to be examined.

As you end your editorial, it is best that you make it very, very clear. It is where you give your punch. By “managed,” did you mean manipulated? Controlled? Make your words point to the same direction. “Managed” is much too positive for the direction of your dissenting (negative) voice.

Confinement

FOR Sueb33730 (writing.com)

Review follows –

The endless two-hour drive leaves my nerves on edge as I finally approach the turn-off to my destination. The flat, barren land looks like a giant desert leaving a dry, scorched feeling in my mouth. I do not know if it is just an illusion, but everything feels dead and desolate.
I stop my car behind a long line of vehicles filled with mothers, children, grandmothers, and friends. All are furiously fanning their bodies in hopes of creating a slight, cooling breeze as sweat runs in rivulets down their flushed faces.
Brake lights flash on and off crazily as the line slowly inches the one hundred yards to the visitor parking lot. A man in policeman's garb gives each car an inspection. The guard unlucky enough to be assigned to this job, always stands as a sentinel void of emotion, like a robot made of steel.

Comment: Better do away with “always” since you are describing just this circumstance.

The inspection allows the officer to record the car make, model, license plate number, number of persons present, and the driver's license number of the person driving. The officer completes his inspection of my car in such a way, that I feel no more important than the cardboard number he passes into my hand, so that my car may leave this place.
The unbreathable toxic fumes arising from exhaust pipes becomes fixed in my throat as my heart begins to race in nervous reluctance due to the thoughts of upcoming confinement.
The concrete feels like coarse sandpaper as I slowly step toward the great barriers before me. The horrifying walls of chain link rise ten feet toward the sky with an added foot of razor wire that seems to laugh that there is no escape once I enter.

Comment: Use of the Subject>Verb>Object pattern is good technique but should not be overused as to bore the reader. The earlier paragraphs are full of these already. Vary the sentence order a bit.

Comment: "with an added foot of razor wire that seems to laugh that there is no escape...." Say seems to “laugh out.” Laughing out what? “That there is no escape once I enter.”

I slowly reach for the metal handle to pass through and a buzzing noise proves that a pair of eyes pierce me as someone unlocks the gate from the tower above. I walk under the gate only to see a duplicate of the previous, giving me the feeling that I am the prisoner here.
The only building I will be allowed to enter looks forlorn and plain with its stark white walls. A woman passes me with tears in her eyes. She must not have known that she had to get permission to visit her loved one.
I enter, sign my name, show identification, get my hand marked with invisible ink, and receive another cardboard number as I advance toward the metal detector. Another guard searches my purse for contraband as I remove all metal objects from my body. He finds nothing, and I am allowed to go on.

I sit down at a table made to accommodate only four people. The stench of sweaty bodies slowly begins to fill the room as every table is taken. I wait an agonizing twenty minutes as many men dressed in all white prison uniforms pass through an opening on the left side of the room. The smoke from hundreds of cigarettes begins to thicken around me.

Comment: Better enter more thoughts here for time lag. Some four sentences will do. If you place the next paragraph right away, the action seems too fast for the reader. Make the reader feel that the next event is something operating on another level.

Comment: By the way, cut up your work into paragraphs. It is easier on the eyes.

Then he enters. I rush into my father's arms as tears course down his and my cheeks. We move back to the table I have chosen to converse for the five hours allotted us.

Comments: Better, “his checks and mine.”

As I pass through the gates on my way back to my car, the land around me takes on a whole new meaning. The air is fresh, and I inhale deeply. I finally notice that there is a wonderful blanket of vividly green grass at my feet. Beautiful trees stand as tall guardians of nature, flowering in the sunshine.

As the prison buildings fade in my rear view mirror, I look forward to the peaceful ride ahead. I think of how wonderful my freedom is, and feel more alive than I have ever felt before.

Comment: Can you add one or more sentences here on freedom? Cherish the moment as in CHERISH.

General comment: Beautiful! Very promising! The feelings are there. As in all writing activities, however, incubate your work. Lay it aside for a time, then go back and read. You'll be able to see more things you had not seen before that may need re-inforcing.

Lawyers, Please Give Me Your Answer

FOR the THINKER (writing.com)

Review follows -

If a lawyer wanted a legal definition of the word “lawful,” he would look it up in Black’s Law Dictionary. I’ll do it for him and let him give us his view of what Black’s says in plain English—and and plain enough for any normal person to understand.

Comment: “and and plain enough….” Delete one “and.”

Lawful: The principal distinction between the terms “lawful” and “legal” is that the former contemplates the substance of law, the latter the form of law. To say of an act that is “lawful” implies that it is authorized, sanctioned, or at any rate not forbidden, by law. To say that it is “legal” implies that it is done or performed in accordance with the forms and usages of law, or in a technical manner. . .

Comment: I think there’s a typographical error here: To say of an act that is “lawful” implies that it is authorized….

Say, “that it is lawful”

In this paragraph, are you quoting directly from Black? Then acknowledge it by using words like “According to Black ….” Your mentioning Black in the first paragraph does not automatically apply in your second paragraph.

Further, the word “lawful” more clearly implies an ethical content than does “legal.” The latter goes no further than to denote compliance, with positive, technical, or formal rules; while the former usually imports a moral substance or ethical permissibility. A further distinction is that the word “legal” is used as the synonym of “constructive,” which “lawful” in not. Thus “legal fraud” is fraud implied or inferred by law, or made out by construction. “Lawful fraud” would be a contradiction in terms. Again, legal is used as the antithesis of “equitable.”

Comment: Because of you missed acknowledging your source in Paragraph 2, it is not clearly defined now who is speaking in this third paragraph. Is this you paraphrasing Black, or is it still Black?

When an official claims that he has done nothing illegal, it means only that he has done nothing that is not permitted by the authorities. In America, it is legal for go-go dancers to do sexually provocative things for money. The Supreme Court calls it “freedom of speech,” regardless of the fact that female genitalia don’t speak.

Comment: Where do you intend to use this? In a professional journal? You will have to think twice about your kind of readership before you continue this clause which can already stand on it’s own: The Supreme Court calls it “freedom of speech”

Among lawyers and lawyers-to-be, “regardless of the fact that female genitalia don’t speak” would garner points (har-de-har for you), but it is actually off-topic.

Activism is not listed in Black’s. It is listed in Webster’s as the practice of vigorous action or involvement in a means of achieving political goals or other goals. "Legal," by the way, in Webster’s, is defined, incorrectly, as permitted by law; lawful.

Comment: Activism where? In the legal profession? Qualify this.

Again, acknowledge Webster with quotation marks.

There is no valid argument. Activist judges are a contradiction of the definition of lawful. They are absolutionists in every sense. Any and every act can be declared constitutional or unconstitutional in their courts. The only determination in their courts is the people—what they want; that is, certain qualified people who discuss the issues between themselves and come up with determinations. They are called authorities. By the same system of the law now in practice in America, in Nazi Germany it was legal and acceptable to confiscate the Jew’s property and execute him.

Comment: There is no valid argument, where? Qualify this statement by completing the thought so as not to mislead your reader.

There is no basic difference in the American people, the German people, the Iraki people, or any other people. The difference is in the law. I’d like for a lawyer to explain to the American people why lawful, according to Webster’s, doesn’t agree with Black’s Law Dictionary, why only certain of us are qualified to practice law when any person of normal intelligence can read and understand the law. And finally, if the law is based on reason and experience common to all men, and the law applied to Nazi murderers, why does the law in America now allow absolutionist judges on the bench?

Comment: “why only certain of us are qualified to practice law.” “Some,” “a few,” or “not many” would be better.

These logical questions I have asked, for some reason, are never clearly answered. We get a trip around the world and come back to square one with a big zero. What does this say about authorities? Who needs them?

With many times the lawyers we need in the United States, just as I expected, no lawyer came forward to answer my questions. Lawyers are the bane of the America I knew. If you look hard enough for it, there is good in anything.

Comment: Better: In the many occasions we needed lawyers in the United States to answer my questions, nobody came forward .Is this what you mean?

Better: If you look hard enough,

The lawyer's job is to find that good and divert attention to it. To allow this, we must have quit using our minds.

Comment: Point to one direction. Say, “direct attention to.” Divert is the opposite.

“To allow this, we must have quit using our minds.” This is not very clear. In fact, it runs counter your direction. Did you mean this: “However, it is not what is happening with law in practice.”

Democritus of Abdera, democracy’s founder, declared, “by convention sour, by convention sweet, by convention colored; in reality, nothing but atoms and the void,” thereby acknowledging there is a higher law. In ancient Greek city-states, democracy was neither immutable nor invariable, which brought the Sophists to the conclusion that justice was either the interest of the strong or at best a convention entered upon purely on consideration of expediency and terminable on like considerations. So much for democracy. If it were the law in practice, authorities would be in big trouble. You get glowing phrases from our great authorities on the law, but it is policy, not the law in practice.

Comment: Continue about the law in practice and describe it. One more statement will do to highlight your negative impression of law in practice.

The philosopher, Aristotle: “To invest the law then with authority is, it seems, to invest God and reason only; to invest a man is to introduce a beast, as desire is something bestial, and even the best of men in authority are liable to be corrupted by passion. We may conclude then that the law is reason without passion and it is therefore preferable to any individual.”

Comment: But?

“We are born for justice,” asserted the Roman jurist Cicero, “and right is not the mere arbitrary construction of opinion, but an institution of nature,” and “that which is established on account of utility may for utility’s sake be overturned,” and “the laws are the foundation of the liberty which we enjoy; we all are the laws’ slaves that we may be free.”

The Declaration of Independence, authored by Thomas Jefferson, who is said to have believed in the existence of God on the evidence of reason and natural law, wrote in the Declaration: “the Power of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God,” wrote, “We hold these truths to be self-evident.” He wrote: “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights;” said rights that cannot be taken without the consent of the governed individual.

Comment: So? How do you connect these paragraphs together to law in practice?

Without a foundation to support the law, it is getting more bazaare by the day. U.S. authority has no basis in law for its taxing policy. The horse is out of the gate. The American individual has lost his most basic right, the right to survive on the fruits of his own labor. We are capable of comprehending nature and nature’s laws. We understand the reasoning of doing to others as we would have them do to us. No authority is above the law, but once in control, as history records, authority keeps its control by passing out the people’s resources and by punishing those who resist. Government entitlements—by government’s grace—says society has the responsibility of financially helping certain arbitrarily selected individuals. Franklin D. Roosevelt felt it government’s “duty” to keep millions of Americans by changing the fundamental law to accommodate society’s “helpless.”

Comment: That’s “bizarre.”
You started out with taxation. What about nature and its laws? Did you mean human nature?
This is not clear: “keeps its control by passing out the people’s resources”
Missing, “his:” Franklin D. Roosevelt felt it government’s “duty” to keep millions of Americans….

Are we natively helpless or do power seeking lawyers make us helpless? It was a lacking on the part of authority that brought about the Great Depression. It was the American people’s resolve that ended the depression and won World War II, not government.

“New Deal law” gave government control over the meek and poor, and some not so poor. New Deal law brought into play new ideas about inalienable rights, rights that formerly could not be taken without the consent of the governed individual.

Comment: “natively helpless” must mean naturally helpless
“It was a lacking on the part of authority that brought….” Must be “lack.”
Better: power-seeking. Place the hyphen to modify lawyers.

“New Deal law” gave government control over the meek and poor, and some not so poor. New Deal law brought into play new ideas about inalienable rights, rights that formerly could not be taken without the consent of the governed individual.

Comment: Enter now your idea about law in practice. So now, what? Connect it to these statements.

As we all know, money talks. If I wanted to be an elected official, I would join a political organization and help others get elected, hoping to be recognized and favored, perhaps to be placed as a candidate and provided with millions of dollars of campaign donations, most of which comes from the rich and powerful. Once elected, bought and paid for, rather than a leader, if I expected to remain in office, I’d be a follower of the party line. Thus, the nation is as divided as it has ever been, thanks to the law in practice. A house divided soon falls.

Comment: Better to emphasize at the start of this paragraph that this is what usually happens. Without it, it is as though you were giving a suggestion.

Resolve:

Sometimes more is not best. You have stated many sources here that at times side trips to another [related] topic before coming back. “So much for democracy,” in fact shows time spent on this topic is more than needed. Nevertheless, you can still knit them properly together to form your paper.

In writing, it is best to lay your work aside for a time, then come back to it and read it again. You will find things you had not seen before that needs some deleting, adding, re-wording, re-inforcing, re-organizing.

Good thinking! At least you are cerebral. The more we use our minds, the more our brain cells grow.

The Prophet

A Beginning to something?
FOR jeff (writing.com)

Review follows -

This is a character I've played with for a while, looking for the right take on the END OF THE WORLD. I appreciate any comments. Thanks

Comment: I am only reviewing this as a work of art. It is not intended to sharpen your skills in playing Prophet “looking for the right take on the END OF THE WORLD.”

“The World is changed.

“I am changed with it.

“The people follow the Powers of the World blindly across the landscapes of their souls, into the nothingness that is prepared for them. Overnight, minds were lost in dream mists, settling deep into stagnant pools of desire, hate, and despair.

Comment: Maintain your tense: “minds were lost” should be “minds are lost.”

“Puppets and playthings to the Court of Fools. We are no longer any more than this. Entertainment. A diversion from the boredom of godhood.

Comment: “this” should be these, referring to “Puppets and playthings.”

“The World is changed, I am changed with it.

“I will change the World.

Comment: There is a sudden shift from passive to active voice and the reader is not quite prepared, more especially where in both statements, “I” is a subject and the direction of thought in each is contrary to each other. Better insert a statement as in – “Then, without batting an eyelash, he goes on –“

Comment: Introduce caesura at your most critical statements. Observe the effect:

“The World is changed, and I am changed with it.”

Then, without batting an eyelash, he goes on –

“I … will change the World.”

Comment: Punctuate the last word with closed quotation marks, so - world.”

His voice was a powerful force of passion. No one listening remained unmoved by the tale.

Comment: This is too short an intersperse. Add at least one more statement so that the shift is not too quick.

“Before I became who I am, I found the Eye Looking west. Climbing alone on the sheer face of the cliff, I lost my hold and fell to a small ledge. My head struck hard, my face was smashed and swollen. Blood and concussion blurred my sight. Splintered bones ground together in my left arm. How long I lay there, mind lost and bared to the heavens, I will never know.

Comment: Take away “was,” parallel with “struck.” Hence, “My head struck hard, my face smashed and swelled [in time].” Again, remember your closed quotation mark at the end of the sentence just before you shift to describe the character talking, so – know.”

The man called Prophet paused in his recitation. He closed his eyes to the crowd, breathing deep the magical atmosphere of a captive audience. No one uttered a word, hanging on the silence of anticipation. The bald man opened his eyes again, looking through the people like pale glass.

“I woke as the blood of a sunset colored the horizon. Distant city towers were the black teeth of a powerful demon, biting the sky. The gash in my forehead fevered, and oozed putrid fluids. Convulsions and tremors shook me.

Comment: I awoke

“The hell of the western horizon sickened me more, and I turned to cool granite for comfort. I saw the Eye before me, a cavern dark, deep, and inviting. It was shelter from a life turned cold, a place of rest for my broken body.

“When finally I awoke, and my eyes were opened, I saw as a blind man. No light was allowed there, in the realm of darkness. A panic took me, carrying me deeper into the earth, swallowing me in inky passages thick with age, and disregard for the light. Lost, and insane in my own cavern of pain, I searched. Always downward, ever dark.

“The Eye became a throat as I descended. It was saliva thick and choked tight as if a garrote strangled the earth itself.

“I dropped finally into the womb of the earth, and found salvation.

Comment: Use closed quotation mark on last word every time you shift to describe your speaker.

He paused again in his narrative, standing, stretching long like a heron hunting. His good right arm dipped down to a table quickly, snatching up a glass of water, bringing it briefly to his lips, then pouring it slowly over his hairless scalp.

“Water dripping was my World for a time, the constant fall of earth blood. It flowed near me, around me, and I drank of the precious nectar. Sweet, cold as ice, it succored me as mother’s milk fresh from a swollen breast.

“Pools of healing waters they were to me, swallowing my pain in their frosted liquid embrace.

Comment: Use closed quotation mark on last word.

The eyes of the Prophet glazed, black pools flooding the pale grasslands of his iris.

“Fever and madness became one, and I became the one that was madness and fever. I was the Eye looking inward, into and beyond the darkness the world is. My clothing and possessions were lost behind me in the downward spiral of passages, until I lay unveiled to the ebony universe that was mine. The cold of the upper passages gave way to enfolding warmth.

“I was mad, and may still be. None of us know our true selves, balanced as we are on the knife-edge of sanity. I remember little of my time in that space, except for the madness.

Comment: Madness, not knowing oneself? Not remembering?

“My dreams became the reality of my soul, undeniable truths written in diamonds on the impenetrable ceiling of a demented mind…

Comment: Oh, “demented” again?

“In the end, I made my way back up from the depths, and came to look west once again. Blind no more, I could see clearly through the bloodied sunsets and polluted days to the once Emerald City. When I emerged into the world again the city was sinking into night, its towers tarnished; teeth decayed, yet sharp still, all the more loathsome in their terrible splendor.

“Winter winds screamed, and I felt the warmth of the Mother about me. She had cared for me for uncounted days, and the promise of life was mine. In a trance of healing, I sat through the dark months, the snow-white story of the shortened days played out before my dreaming self. The warmth of the Mother’s breath embraced me in my west looking window; the heat from the heart of the world that had kept me in the dark depths of my fever.

Comment: “My dreaming self” somehow conveys an image of non-thinking entity.

“Snow piled all about me, yet I sat alone in the dry shelter of the mountain.

"Finally spring came again to my place in the world, and I heard somehow the painful cries of the city calling me back.

“Naked I climbed the face, my old clothes and self lost and forgotten in some black passage, entombed in the granite below me. It did not matter; I was no longer the man I had been.

General comment: The item is more about a physical transport to other environs and coming out a different person. However, no change was shown in one’s thinking or existential level which is normally expected of one who would want to change the world – except self-derogation as in calling oneself “mad,” “demented,” “dreaming.” Shades of Saint Paul at Damascus?

Perhaps the write-up should change title just so the reader will not expect much from the original one. While the title is “Prophet,” there are problems about not having presented the true language of a prophet. A [true] prophet, for example, would never directly say he is going to change the world. He would never tell - but show - by talking about what he is being prophet for - a higher being whose will he talks about. So okay, you need not advance that far. But -

“I will change the world” should manifest at least in the language or behavior of the character. Suppose you highlight more on seeing himself as nothing more than vapor… Remember that verse?

Overall, the writer uses beautiful poetic language only excellent writers can muster.